"Who Gives a F%$@ about an Oxford Comma?"

You've surely heard them.
Maybe you've used them on occasion.
You were "well-meaning" (although I doubt it...).
Maybe even a bit snarky (more on that in a minute...).

Still.

These words and terms (prepared NOT according to the principles of Noah Webster, but more according to the principles of some not-so-romantic and not-so-comedic movies) make me nails-on-chalkboard crazy as of late.

Actually, I think I currently loathe the following terms (especially when my name is used in the same sentence, "funny guys"):

Cougar(koo'ger): n. The Mountain Lion. OR An older woman, usually in her 40s or older, who usually sexually pursues men in their 20s and 30s. Please see www.dateacougar.com for further information. No, I do not have a profile posted. Yet.

The "half-your-age-plus-seven" rule: The "half-your-age-plus-seven rule" is one rule of thumb defining a mathematical formula to judge whether the age difference in an intimate relationship is socially acceptable. Mathematically speaking, the rule is: Age of younger individual should be greater than or equal to the age of the older person divided by 2 + 7. You do the math, people. Seriously. I'm too damn tired...

MILF(an acronym of "Mother [or 'Mom'] I'd Like [to] ...") You saw American Pie, didn't you? How old are you, again? (Please see half-your-age-plus-seven rule) O.K. Enough of the movie quotes, you unoriginal fool. Before I punch you in the Adam's apple.


Now for some slang that I LOVE...

Manicorn: a mythical male creature who is successful (read: pursuing his passion and can pay his electric bills/rent), funny, chivalrous, masculine (read: not chauvinistic), adventurous, artistic (read: not suicidal). Also known as "the savior". "Heeeeere you little magical beast, you..."

Snarky: Any language that contains quips or comments containing sarcastic or satirical witticisms intended as blunt irony. Usually delivered in a manner that is somewhat abrupt and out of context and intended to stun and amuse. Origin: Snark. Snide remark. Oh, how I adore the snarky....


Asshat: One who has their head up their ass. Thus wearing their ass as a hat. "Hey asshat, could you stop talking in the middle of the movie..." (Admit it...you're laughing right now) I laugh every time.




*a special thanks & credit to my favorite urban dictionary and Vampire Weekend for assisting me with some definition verbiage and fodder here & there...